Open Doors and Monsters
by SweetNocturnalBliss
Summary: River's having nightmares after the events of Miranda. A few of the crew step into help. Spoilers for Serenity. No pairings. One Shot. Don't own, ain't profiting.


River walked silently about Serenity. It had been a week since the events of Miranda had taken place. She watched what remained of the crew. Watched their actions, listened to their hearts beat, reminding herself that they were alive.

Kaylee and Simon seemed happy. River smiled. They always were smiling now. Kissing, hearts two but only one beat. It took catastrophic events, but they had found each other.

River couldn't smile though. Two had found, but more had lost. Many more.

She walked towards the bridge. Zoe was sitting in Wash's chair. A place River never could bring herself too. She was playing with Wash's dinosaurs. Not really playing, more like adoring. Reminding of a husband gone.

Her feet carried her farther. To the kitchen. Mal making a sandwich. She leaned against the frame, staring at him. He was always hard to read. Thoughts muddled, but she could always feel his pain, though not sure where most came from. Inara yes, Sheppard yes, but much more pain filled him than just two could cause.

"Hey there little Albatross," He said, turning around. "Why are you out this time of night?"

She looked around the room. "One room, one door. So many things comes through. Monsters, darkness. None of them mine, but the door never shuts."

Mal raised an eyebrow. "Uh, I take it you mean nightmares or something of the sort?" He cut his sandwich in half and gestured River to the table. "Well, maybe a snack will push the bad dreams away."

River slowly walked over and sat next to him. He handed her half the sandwich.

He took a bite out of it, and River just stared. "Go on and try it. It's meat, as good as we could get anyway."

"Meat," River whispered. "We're meat, Reaver's eat meat."

Mal almost choked on his food. "I'll grant you it ain't the best meat, but it ain't human!"

She looked up at him, eyes wide. "Humans die. Skin shrivels, all that's left is meat. Happened to Wash, and the Sheppard and so many more."

Mal put down the rest of his sandwich, appetite lost.

"I caused it," She continued, her voice shaking. "My blame, my fault. Wash was whole, Booker was kind. Now their flesh is shriveled, meat gone bad. All that's left is bone and hair. The earth swallowed the rest."

"River," Mal said, gently. "What happened to Booker and Wash, that ain't your fault."

She nodded a tear escaping down her cheek. "My blame." She pointed to her head. "Because of what they put up here. They gave me a secret. Maybe I stole it. Can't control what I know and it's not fair. Alliance killed so many. Many more died to find out the truth. Should have stayed silent. They already were. Should have stayed silent and then Wash would still have meat and flesh. Still have sermon's."

He turned sideways to face her. He rested his elbows on his knee's so that he could look her in the eyes. "River, you didn't ask for what the alliance put in your mind. You didn't ask to know anything other than what you already knew, but you do. I ain't gonna say it's a gift or a blessing, though it can be a might useful at times, but you got what you got and you can't reverse what they done to ya." He scratched the back of his head. "At least I don't think you can."

She shook her head. "No, not take backs. No turn arounds. Can't bend time or space."

Mal nodded. "No I don't reckon' you can, but you shouldn't stay silent about it either. Them people on Miranda, they died because of what the Alliance did and it would have been a meaningless death, all of it, if someone hadn't spoken for them." He pushed a strand of hair out of her face. "You had the means to do that. You let people know what happened to them. Opened the people's eyes to what the alliance did. Made their death's mean something that has been held secret for ten years."

River nodded. "Wash and Booker still lost in the earth. Shouldn't have had to die. Zoe's alone. So many people lost without sermon's."

"That ain't your fault little albatross."

"Zoe thinks it's my blame too. Wishes I never came aboard. Doesn't say or think, but feels. Alone because of me."

"That ain't so, River," Zoe said walking in. "I don't blame you for what happened to Wash."

She pointed at herself, tears falling freely now. "My blame. Mine to carry. Should have stayed silent. Let my brain fry up. Many would still be dead, but many more would have a beating heart." She drew her knees up to her chest and hugged them tightly. "Sorry, sorry, so sorry."

Zoe pushed the plate out of the way and sat on the table in front of River. "River listen to me," She said taking the girls hand. "What happened to my Wash and the Sheppard ain't your fault. The blame is with the alliance. They caused all this, trying to change people when they ought to leave well enough alone. Wash wanted the Verse to know the truth just as much as everyone else. He died for a cause, River. A cause that's greater than any of us. The truth."

"You oughta listen to Zoe," Mal said, crossing his arms over his chest. "She's first mate on this ship for a reason."

"If not my blame, why do they come through the door," She asked, her voice shaking with tears. "Why are their monsters and rotten meat?"

Zoe raised an eyebrow and looked at Mal.

"She's been having nightmares," He explained.

"Why won't the door close?"

"Listen, Little Albatross," Mal said, scooting closer. "We've all been having nightmares..."

"All have nightmares," She repeated. "But yours are different, but the same. Present mixed with past. Two wars mixed together, too much blood."

Mal, feeling uncomfortable cleared his throat. "No one dreams the same thing."

"Zoe dreams of Wash," River continued. "Smiles, dances...

"_Dances?"_ Mal mouthed. Zoe shrugged uneasily.

"Then watches Wash's death over and over." She brought her hands to her head and shook it vigorously. "Happiness ripped away. Pain everywhere, never goes away."

"Pain let's us know we're still livin," Mal told her. "Ain't no sense in dwellin in it though. Ain't gonna do nothing, but drive you crazy."

River raised an eyebrow at him.

"Okay, crazier than you already are," He amended.

"The best thing we can do," Zoe said, taking over for Mal. "Is remember the good times we had with them and keep them in our hearts. We keep doing what we're doing, and know that there out there, watching over us."

"What about the monsters," River asked in a small voice. "I try to close the door, but they hold it open. Too strong, and I'm small, weak."

Mal scoffed. "Little Albatross you're anything but weak. If I remember correctly you took out a whole boat load of Reaver's single handed. Ain't no one else in the verse I know of that can do that." He puffed his chest out. "'Cept maybe me."

River smiled.

"Now you just get all of that blame out of your head," Mal told her. "And you tell them monster's to come and visit me. I'll make sure they don't come back."

She giggled. "Mal can make the monsters go away."

He nodded. "Damn right."

"They think you smell funny."

Mal's face fell and Zoe laughed.

"I think that's your cue to take a shower Captain."

River smiled and then broke out in laughter.

Mal shook his head. He grabbed the plate and dumped the rest of the sandwich in the garbage. "That's the last time I try and help you little Albatross." He dropped the plate in the sink. "I'm hitting my cabin. There's a bed callin' my name that I'm sort of fond of."

River was suddenly at his side. She placed a soft kiss on his cheek. "Thank you."

He smiled at her. "I think it's time you went to bed yourself."

She nodded. "Maybe with your help I can close the door. Strength flows from you like waves crashing into the sand. Strong, powerful, and unpredictable. Could be just what I need to chase the monsters away."

With that she turned and left the room.

Zoe sat on the table, a small smile on her face.

"What?" Mal asked.

"Nothing," Zoe said, standing up. "Till morning Captain."

"What," He called again when she walked out. "Zoe!" When she didn't answer he shook his head. "Women always muddle things up."


End file.
